“Nothing Doing On Police,” Cast Iron Mnemonics; Tiers Of The Clowns
“Saucepans in summer, crepe pans in fall, when winter’s upon us, there’s food for us all.” – Dr. Niles Crane
Our Spirit Guide’s mnemonic device for remembering the Kitchen Rules of Life sprang to mind with the arrival of a new cast iron dutch oven – the latest addition to our bunker’s Kitchen Arsenal.
We’re working on some new recipes ahead of the late spring/early summer bumper crops we’re expecting, trying to come up with a few new things to do with poblanos (oooh).
On the Hard News Front (how’s that for a segue?) we’re getting fragmentary reports of burglaries, pepper-spray dousing, colliding e-bikes, barricaded dudes and police pursuits from our ever-growing Flash Battalions but it’s not like the Old Days when you could saunter into the squad room and ask Sarge “what’s happening on police?” -the traditional response memorialized in a newsman’s poem pinned to the press room wall in the 30s.
It’s almost as if they don’t want us/you to know what’s going on (naw, that can’t be it… can it?). Anyway, we’re putting it all together when we can.
Let’s see – this morning started off with a boating accident and people in the water at Orwood in Brentwood (four transported to local hospitals) and we’re glad they were retrieved quickly ’cause it’s far too chilly to be in the water at this hour. We’ve also lost some pedestrians to car collisions recently, few if any receiving any official notice and we guess that’s part of this new paradigm, too. Oddly, we took some civilian flak for “too real” and “unsettling” photos from the many scenes we cover and, we’ll admit, that stopped us for a bit because – believe us – what we run is not 1/10th as bad as what we see. We guess perceptions of reality depend on your idea of what’s real or not because we also received video of one of those Every 15 Minutes programs at a local high school and, dearie me with full pearl clutching, that production looked like the Omaha Beach scene in Saving Private Ryan.
Daring to raise the dreaded “P” Word and talk politics we feel it safe to say the local political scene was turned on its head recently when the weight of sexual abuse allegations against a local Democratic congressman ended with his withdrawal from the state gubernatorial race and his seat in Congress. That a Republican congressman who had managed to fend off similar claims for some time also resigned was little consolation to those concerned by the hardening standards of a two-tier justice system which has proved all too willing to look the other way when the timing is right.
With the sun-kissed seasons approaching we’re braced for a little more rain the next few days, holding our breath that people have learned their lesson for negotiating rain-slick roads and hoping all we have to worry about is finding a recipe for stuffed poblanos.
It won’t happen, but we can dream – can’t we?
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Let’s be clear, the Texas Republican was involved in a consensual affair that really went bad when his former lover set herself on fire and passed. He absolutely should resign. The California Congressman was involved with serial sexual harassment and has a pending rape charge. He is also facing numerous charges regarding financial malvesance.
The only thing they have in common is that both are Congressman. And both should not be in Congress.
Just in time for a rain day stew!
Sounds pretty good, might have to take you up on that!
Bon appetit! Look forward to seeing a recipe!
Cobbler and black coffee. Cherry or peach.
“It’s almost as if they don’t want us/you to know what’s going on (naw, that can’t be it… can it?)”
Yes, it can.
Sometimes it’s better NOT to report things. I don’t want burglaries in my neighborhood reported. Why? To invite more burglars because my/your street is an easy target? Get real.
Reality check — the burglars already know where you live and what you have, they just spent the last hour ransacking your home. And they’re perfectly happy not having the neighbors know they visited — SO NO ONE ELSE TAKES STEPS TO PREVENT IT FROM HAPPENING TO THEM. People can be so dumb.
I’m not talking about the burglars who already burglarized homes. I’m talking about inviting MORE burglars in. We’ve never been burglarized, and we do take the necessary steps to keep them out. This site used to report burglaries, and JD said neighbors complained. He stopped reporting them, and I agree with his logic.
Hey, Jennifer – quick note:
We stopped reporting specific addresses of confirmed burglaries at victim request, mainly because they said doing so somehow left them open to a repeat visit by the bad guys. We were skeptical of that reasoning but felt compelled to comply.
We have stopped reporting the majority of burglaries out there mainly for the aforementioned reason as well as the fact that police have stopped providing information on whereabouts, frequency, methods of entry etc. – essential details in our line of work.
We do feel other factors are at play in this new “paradigm of unknowing” – e.g. shaping crime statistics and maintaining local property and re-sale values.
Just to clear the air! Again, it is our position that “knowing” is better than not.
Got it, so the plan is to keep burglaries quiet and hope criminals respect the honor system? Meanwhile, the police blotter, which notes the street and block, with no details, is already public, and the only people kept in the dark are your neighbors. Awareness doesn’t invite crime, silence just makes it easier to ignore.
When someone in the neighborhood is burglarized, word of mouth between neighbors keeps neighbors aware. If you don’t think criminals are reading news sites and coming through the tunnel to rip off the rich folks, (or anyone) including people posting in the comments section they’re going out of town (using their real name on Facebook) there is nothing I can say to convince you.
All I can say to them is …………………………………. make my day.
Firestone 11R
Ah “the” criminals come through “the” tunnel do they?
Reading a local news site and then arguing it shouldn’t report local crime is a strange take. Transparency isn’t the problem, opportunity is. And framing it as ‘people coming through the tunnel’ doesn’t make it smarter, it just makes it sound like you’re blaming outsiders instead of focusing on what actually reduces crime. I wonder how it is you concluded the criminals came through the tunnel? Word of mouth?
Here is a bunch of tunnel free links:
https://news24-680.com/2024/11/13/burglary-attempt-triggers-pursuit-crash-in-concord-wednesday-2-arrested/
https://news24-680.com/2025/08/13/lafayette-auto-burglary-suspects-arrested-in-stockton/
https://news24-680.com/2020/07/05/alleged-pleasant-hill-garage-burglar-arrested-sunday/
https://news24-680.com/2021/09/26/suspected-serial-car-burglar-arrested-in-danville-sunday/
https://news24-680.com/2024/08/28/four-arrested-after-alamo-burglary-pursuit-wednesday/
https://news24-680.com/2023/11/21/danville-man-arrested-on-suspicion-of-burglaries-in-moraga-danville/
https://news24-680.com/2023/03/26/stockton-man-arrested-for-attempted-burglary-in-walnut-creek-saturday/
Again, the police blotter is already public. Reporting doesn’t create burglars, it lets neighbors make informed decisions. Keeping it quiet doesn’t make anyone safer, it just keeps people uninformed.
Please tell us more about the pepper spray. It wasn’t me, although I am almost always carrying a small can.
Firestone 11R
Working it. Condiments deployed on the Iron Horse Trail.
We rolled out to the area of the Iron Horse Trail and Camille around 4:50 pm on April 17 after neighbors reported a possible assault in the area with a chemical agent deployed. We believe EBRPDPD and CoCoSo were notified.
And no follow up from PD? Attacker seasoning a walker or the opposite, smart to carry a small can?
Firestone 11R
Evidence of a two tier and weaponized justice system in this country has never been more evident than it is now.
Do you mean taking bad people to prison?
West Hollywood 91R
I miss Niles.
We do, too!
I was curious about your ink-stained wretch poem, and could only find archived and paywalled results for old papers from the ’50s and ’60s.
Any chance you have the full version and could share?
Matt – thanks for your interest. Your query sparked a search for the original verse, and resurrected a bunch of memories for us. You may know that we worked at the “Hallowed Hall” for far too long and that this newsman’s ode was pinned to the wall there. It was given to us by Bob Popp of the Chronicle and one Stanton Delaplane (Chronicle, Pulitzer ’42) as we set about collecting items related to our trade.
Oral history had it that this was penned by W.O. “Bill” McGeehan when he was putting in a dull Sunday on “the beat.” It comes with the standard trigger warning common to writings of yore and published in retrospect, so – protect thyself. It was a different time.
NOTHING DOING ON POLICE
Major Ford is on the wagon,
Johnny Kenny’s on a souse,
Mistah Jackson’s holding converse,
With a blue and yellow mouse.
The Yicks and Yees are puffing
At the pensive pipe of peace,
And McDonough’s got religion
Nothing Doing On Police
The morgue is out of business,
One lone floater on the slab.
And the outside stations haven’t
Any stories we can grab.
Down at Faust Hall, all reporters
Pool their coin and get a lease
On the season’s bock beer output
Nothing Doing On Police
A lot of good SF nuggets to be mined in that text. (and your context), if you’ll forgive a tortured metaphor. Thanks!
Yessir. A contemporary reconnection was made as we reread it. Are you a scribbler? In the business? Just interested in local lore?
The latter – initially drawn in by the poem and then curious about the details. Had a hunch some of the names might not just be placeholders but rather topical references.
Very cool. People interested in local history welcome here! And, yes, Nothing Doing is populated with key local characters… Thanks for writing!
Wife whipped up a pot roast in the dutch oven last night. Delicious. Should feed us for another week!!