Those scientists, you know, those nutty folks in white lab coats and spinning propellor beanies who have been warning us for some time about our bad habits and how they would come back to haunt us, are preparing us for our retreat to Mars by substituting that planet’s atmosphere for ours.
So far we humanoids are not doing so well, pointing at the New Orange sky and krinkling our block-like foreheads, eating breakfast at noon and preparing for bedtime at 6 p.m. Dogs are howling in confusion and fear, kids are crying and adults wondering if they’ll ever be able to take the Hummer again. Some of us are excited about the prospect of life on another planet – others are flatly refusing to eat potatoes grown in their own effluvia.
Not satisfied with preparing Californians for the New Normal of life on the Red Planet the Slide Rule Brigade extended their test area northward to Oregon and Washington state – with folks up there wondering why fires were sent hopscotching through their formerly leafy towns and cities when most were perfectly willing to move in with Matt Damon for a couple of decades.
Unbelievably, it appears that some among us have succumbed to Mars Madness and are setting their own fires – just to hurry things along, we guess.
Damage is still being assessed. Fires continue to burn. Scientists continue to make projections.
Right now, the numbers don’t look so good.