Deep Thoughts: King Tides; Social MEdia, And Soldier Of Fortune Fanboys

Sloshing around, re-shaping the world in our heads. We don’t know why the rest of the world doesn’t think as we do, it’s clear to us we’re one of the globe’s last great thinkers. Instead, we apply our immense cranial power to more mundane problems – like how to keep the home barista steam nozzle from clogging, or how much zest should we use for an afternoon Pasta al Limone. Big problems, like we said.

On the News Front, an area of operations which consumes our daily lives probably more than it should, we keep looking around to see if anyone is listening, gesticulating and asking out loud: “Is anyone else seeing this?”

Watching gunships stream tracer into yet another Latin American country and our elected leaders swish their pompons to appropriated soundtracks and curated images of Delta Force operators fast-roping into yet another presidential compound, we’re left fighting the feeling the Titanic actually likes icebergs and is steering towards another at full speed.

From what we can tell a great many of our countrymen and women are okay with our current course and who are we to argue? We have our ten acres, defensible space and a fully stocked larder. We can hold out for months. Let those chips fall where they may and if you come for us, come heeled because we have Attack Sheep and a Breville.

Locally, we’ve found watercress growing in our pockets as our local roads turn into giant Slip n’ Slides and “Holy shiiii…” would be the last words captured on dozens of Cabin Voice Recorders if turtling personal vehicles came equipped with such things. The number of crashes these past few days has outpaced the ability of our Flash Alert system to report them all, with secondary vehicles crashing into wrecked hulks and even a massive MOFD tiller truck – which takes some doing.

Dodging two tons of hurtling Detroi… Alabama… Mexico-made automotive steel we’re left to wonder at the amount of significant news going unreported as police radios go dark here in Radio Free America and a baffled (more baffled than usual, apparently) public writes us asking “was there a shooting on S. California just now?” or “why is a East Bay Regional Parks (helicopter) circling my house in San Ramon?”

We respond when we can because that’s what we do but it’s true, we’re out of a basic loop available to the public for decades and misinformed ‘Mericans are left to braid bits of neighborhood disinformation into half-baked theories. In our current world a garage fire is turned into a four-alarm conflagration, a smash-and-grab turns into an “active shooter” caper at the local mall and a loud noise in the night becomes a “crime incident.” Social Media platforms ostensibly built to inform have devolved into forums for people with anxiety disorders – adding a comment section for those looking to shade a restaurant for daring to raise prices, close early, or which has run out of their favorite brand of soy milk.

What passes for “looking out for each other” has devolved into moral panic wrapped in neighborly language, with fear and grievance driving engagement.

Part of this, or perhaps as a result of it, we’ve noted a bizarre rise in the number of Special Forces Fanboys (and some girls, too, apparently) out there, people ready to talk at length about types of ammunition, Mission Focus (sat in on a business meeting lately? Sheesh…) and chest rigs with multi-rifle capabilities. We’re guessing much of this is driven by contemporary media portrayals of steely-eyed killers sweeping buildings with laser-sights and NVGs. Now, we were raised by a paratrooper buck sergeant who drilled his kids to keep them tired and compliant but who loathed the trappings of war, having had a dose of it. This new breed of self-proclaimed “operators” may appear harmless, but we’ve seen their armories and they look ready and waiting for orders.

Slightly off topic – but kinda not – we recently overheard a couple of fairly young dudes talking about upcoming divorces and the travails associated with such unfortunate legal action.

“Dude, she wants the Domaine Leflaive Montrachet Grand Cru…” one guy said to his bro, who nodded wearily and commiserated. Apparently, the former Lady of the House is constructing a case to secure the kids and the best of the wine cellar and we were reminded of what a lawyer once told us: “In Divorce, as in War, the first casualty is Truth.”

Sounds about right.

So, sticking with the military jargon we alluded to earlier, we continue to navigate the 24/680 with our “heads on a swivel,” venturing “outside the wire” to explore the “high-stakes environment” and issue “kinetic” news blasts like the “meat-eaters” we are until it’s time to “pop smoke” and “RTB.”

When the whirlies circle and rain that 30 Mike Mike into Red’s Chili Hut on Ygnacio, we hope to be the ones to tell you about it.