Home NEWS Local Scene 2023 Arrives In The 24/680 – With Bangs And Sirens

2023 Arrives In The 24/680 – With Bangs And Sirens


Our brand spanking New Year arrived, rain-washed and crystalline – but not completely untarnished as we humans set about doing what we do: screwing up, mightily.

We broke tradition and did not party until our heads pounded, eschewing even our traditional birthday toast to our New Year’s Eve-born ancestor, and ended up working through it as our dedicated corps of correspondents and image makers fed us tips and tidbits through the evening.

We chased a drive-by shotgun shooting (leg wounds – not fun) out in Bay Point for subscribers there, as well as a Ginzu knife demonstration gone wrong in Martinez (two stabbed), a whole bunch of celebratory gunfire and playful pyrotechnics punctuating much of the evening and on into the morning.

Throw in some citizens irate over our storm-damaged infrastructure, unreliable power grids and undermined roadways and January 1 was less a celebration than it was a day at the complaint department. And then we went and broke the cardinal newsroom maxim: i.e. never make a prediction about a news event while working a shift – and BAMMO, that 4.9 Magnitude shaker we mentioned hit the North Coast (Rio Dell). Sigh. We’ll just never learn to keep our big mouths shut.

Made a quick recon of our immediate area and played in our local waterfall, eyed those sodden, “weeping” hillsides and realized that some of the unfortunates we saw ping-ponging off the supermarket wine displays are actually just still-wasted celebrants looking for more party fuel – and their cars.

Far-off friends checking in on us and we liked that until we realized that most of them were just seeing if we were still alive, so, yep – we’re good, shaking the rainwater out of our boots and moving forward. Come along for the ride, newbies. It’s a brand new year and there’s a lot happening.


  1. My to do list for 2023: Indict Orange Boy and the rest of the crime family; send Mike Pence back home to mommy; send Ginni “The Rules Don’t Apply to Us” Thomas back to remedial writing and critical thinking classes and GUARANTEE her “best friend” is not allowed to hear cases relating to Jan. 6 or anything pertaining to women’s rights; Court martial (or, marshall – for our uneducated elected representatives) Gen. Flynn; enroll Bo Bo “Wonton” Boebert in community college; buy Gym Jordan an iron and memory enhancement vitamins for Margie “I Can’t Recall” Greene; put Steve Bannon in jail and clean him up while he’s in there; come up with a list of things Jared did for his two billion dollars; expedite Russian citizenship applications for Huckster Cartoon and the rest of the Fox News communards and provide anti-Conservative therapy to the Republican inclined. This will do for a start. And then it will be a Happy New Year!

  2. Bad scene during the Bills-Bengals game and we’re keeping our fingers crossed for this young man. Awful thing for all to see.

  3. Beat me! Spank me! Make me write bad checks! I wanna be Speaker. !%#
    Hmmm. There is something rotten in the state of Gobbler’s Knob.

  4. @ Iron Man: Something bad happens to combatants in EVERY game. This is not news. Football celebrates violence. You might just have to avert your eyes from football or admit that something bad happens every time you tune in. Every time I tune in.

    As George Carlin so eloquently pointed out, football is played in a coliseum whereas baseball is played in a park.

    In football you wear a helmet.
    In baseball you wear a cap.

    Football is concerned with downs – what down is it?
    Baseball is concerned with ups – who’s up?

    In football you receive a penalty.
    In baseball you make an error.

    In football the specialist comes in to kick.
    In baseball the specialist comes in to relieve somebody.

    Football has hitting, clipping, spearing, piling on, personal fouls, late hitting and unnecessary roughness.
    Baseball has the sacrifice.

    Football is played in any kind of weather: rain, snow, sleet, hail, fog…
    In baseball, if it rains, we don’t go out to play.

    Baseball has the seventh inning stretch.
    Football has the two minute warning.

    We may not purge ourselves of the violence, but somehow I think we would do better with less of it.

  5. Crowning moment came when Sean Handittome asked BoBo “what the hell is going on? Is this some kind of game show?” The answer is yes and the American people are just too stupid to know how to say ‘your fired.’ You got what you voted for — way to own the libs.

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