The Monday Meditation: Muleskinner Blues; Mellencamp Rules And “Copenhagen, Here We Come!”

A pal sent an email with a gif attached, the snippet from Dances With Wolves where the muleskinner Timmons surveys the pierced, desiccated remnants of an unlucky Prairie Voyager and intones: “Somebody back east is sayin’: ‘Why don’t he write?'”

We weren’t sure where our friend was going with the email and pinged him to ask. “You’re not writing anything,” he sputtered. “The country is going to *hit, and you’re not writing anything.”

We’ll admit we’ve been off our game lately. Things are being done we never thought Americans would allow, much less cheer on, and backers of the Same Old New Boss are giddy and celebrating their newfound superiority. We’ve been told no one wants to hear from us and now is not the time to rain on their parade so we opted to sit back, keep our eyes peeled and write about stuff as it develops.

And stuff developed today when Denmark let it be known this international real estate acquisition thing works two ways – by offering to buy us. California. Lock, stock, and surfboard. Backing up the offer with some cold, hard kroner and a petition signed by 200,000+ of their citizens – who apparently fancy a little California sunshine from time to time.

We sputtered at first, being descendants of early settlers and miners and independent of spirit. But then we started thinking, let’s not be so hasty. What would a “Denmarkification” of California look like? Solvang on steroids? We mean, after all, the presidential plug was pulled on our water reserves for nothing more than political theater, John Mellencamp is scrambling to come up with a new lyric for Pink Houses and Our Leader has decried our state as a “Paradise Lost” prone to wildfires, floods and drug gangs.

Perhaps he’d like to be rid of us. Trade us for a golf course or casino somewhere. Apparently Denmark, spurred by his overture to acquire Greenland even if he had to use our military to do it, asked on their petition: “Let’s buy California from Donald Trump! Yes, you heard that right. California could be ours, and we need your help to make it happen…”

The folk behind Denmarkification are hoping to crowdfund $1 trillion to do the deal which, if things go their way, would mean bringing “hygge (pron: hooga) to Hollywood,” “bike lanes to Beverly Hills,” and “organic smørrebrød to every street corner.” They also said they would rename Disneyland “Hans Christian Andersenland” and enthrone a Danish version of Mickey Mouse complete with Viking horns.

But we think they may have been kidding about that last part. At least we think so. It’s hard to tell with those Danes.