Home NEWS Local Scene Tesla-Defiling Cow Triggers Police Response In Pleasanton – And No End Of...

Tesla-Defiling Cow Triggers Police Response In Pleasanton – And No End Of Cow Puns

Pleasanton PD Photo

Some of us here in Semi-Rural Suburbia have had occasion to interact with meandering cows, emus, horses, pigs and even the intermittent alpaca.

It’s part of living out here in “The Country,” where the air is as fresh as the eggs in our chicken coops, and our critters are  honored, curried, and cared for so long as they don’t act up. Which they do, from time to time, like last night in Pleasanton.

Police down in the Tri-Valley radioed for assistance after encountering an HMB (Highly Mobile Bovine) in the area of Bernal Avenue and Stanley Boulevard Wednesday night, sight of the wayward Flossie triggering excited calls from the uninitiated and causing motorists to take evasive action.

Attempts to wrangle the sightseeing critter with police SUVs, Motorolas, and all that other gear proved futile, of course, after our heroine showed a Tesla owner who’s Boss-ie – taking out his windscreen and leaving a little present on his hood for good measure.

In the end, just like it did back in the Bad Old Good Old Days some of us seem to long for, it took a man on horseback and his trusty lariat to corral our critter, leaving the citizenry and local gendarmes punning on social media.

“Our team of officers quickly responded and found a brown cow running around,” Pleasanton PD wrote. “Despite a cow-llision with a sedan, the cow safely returned home. There were no reported injuries. Shout out to the local ranchers for helping with this ‘udderly amoosing’ situation!”


  1. Bit of a Musk-y smell on that Tesla now? This might be my favorite story of the year and we’ve only just cracked February open. Pleasanton will always be a cow town to me, not just ritzy shops with Teslas out front.

    • Grew up in Pleasanton, starting in the early 70’s. Back then we considered our wee city a one-horse town. Well Moooooove on over, one-horsie, cuz there’s a new sheriff in cown.

  2. One can only wonder how the Tesla owner’s automobile liablity carrier claims professional will react to the initial report of how vehicle damage occurred. Not your typical fender-bender with attendant paint transfer.

  3. And, the cow walks away. Something new for the Full Self Driving mode library of possibilities.
    I hope someone starts a GoFundMe for the cow’s legal defense fund. Was there a crosswalk?

  4. To me this looks like neither a cow nor a bull, but a steer (castrated male bovine used for meat rather than for breeding or for milk). But don’t let stop your puns!
    A former farm girl.

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