We’ve just completed our second DeCon of the morning, convinced the postal carrier (who seems to come every second or third day now) had this suspicious little cough when they dropped off the weekly quota of cruise ship brochures – and we’ve fallen back on our Old Friend, Mister Latte, in a search for comfort and restoration.
We know you’re all dying to ask so we’re fine here at News24/680, two of our number soldiering on from home and the third busy recapturing all those wedding invitations he and his bride-to-be sent out before The Collapse. And, yes, we tried to talk him out of it but he’s in love… what are you gonna do?
But this screed is not about us, and we know all you playing at home are tapping your fingers impatiently and muttering “get on with it” so here you go, you asked for it:
We Flashed our Richmond subscribers word of a bank stickup in their city this morning and it appears the “perp,” as all you armchair detectives refer to them, got away – we just don’t know with how much.
We’ve also had shoplifting crews up and down the 24/680 take advantage of newly available parking outside local liquor stores and pharmacies – rushing in to overwhelm already overwhelmed employees and make off with a variety of goods of apparent importance during the COVID Collapse – alcohol and drugs. So there you go. Priorities.
Adam, our resident FlashMaster, is trying not to panic you all with lesser news alerts, but he says domestic incidents seem to be on the rise as households shelter together and domestic crime increases as Uncle Mike tries to sneak a twenty out of the Monopoly money one time too often. People are stressing and it can be hard to remain socially distanced when you’re all in the same living room.
Coyote Bite in Dublin yesterday, as we reported, with a pack circling a human family and – apparently – trying to pick off a human little’un and we’re grateful to members of the family who contacted us with info after what we know had to be an unnerving experience. Many of you have noted the resurgence of wildlife in our “semi-rural” areas of late and, while we generally applaud this enforced Back to Nature Movement – we advise caution as wild animals are still, well, wild. Child on the mend, we’re told.
Let’s see, oh, lots of folks writing with questions about aerial activity over their respective domiciles and our coterie of Resident Skywatchers has been able to ID most of them – both fixed and rotor craft plying our newly quiet airspace. Some of you have noted an increased presence of military aircraft overhead and – until they hold their hover and a chalk of Army Rangers fast-ropes down to seize your household supply of Charmin – we’re going with National Guard aircraft ferrying supplies to newly established facilities as explanation, with one of those newly established facilities making our pages this morning.
Yes, our Social Media interfaces are en fuego as you write with questions, tips, photos, etc. and that’s great, you know we like hearing from you and we’ll generally answer you unless it’s apparent to us you’re a Qanon Baker peddling the latest Rabbit Hole Conspiracy theory – in which case we’ll either ignore you or suggest you get some help.
Living and working in a Digital World we have encountered members of this and other conservative movements and, as we saw yesterday when a True Believer apparently tried to turn his locomotive into a torpedo aimed at a naval hospital ship, we knew they were capable of some bizarre things. Sooo – if you don’t hear back from us don’t take it too personally. Let’s just say we’re practicing appropriate social distancing, and hope that works against strains other than COVID-19.
Hey J.D. – always look forward to your writings. I need to get you some of our [shameless plug] Bridge & Tunnel Coffee Company (Moraga-based!) Panamanian single-estate coffee beans. Can I safely lob a bag of whole beans over the fence in the coming days? Medium or Dark roast is recommended if you’re mostly doing espresso drinks.
We, like everyone, are delayed in our official launch, but we WILL be ready to roll by the time this situation improves. Can’t wait. In the meantime, we are selling our primo whole bean coffee via our website, with free doorstep deliver within the beloved Lamorinda Community.
LamoMigo! Hope you and yours are well! Always great to hear from you and we are allowing shameless plugs in light of gut-punch for local businesses of late. Your new enterprise sounds intriguing and hope we can talk more about it in future… if there is a future, whoa! Hang tough!
This train engineer was filmed holding a lighted flare while running his locomotive at full speed in the direction of the hospital ship — which was untouched. When captured the LocoWhacko reportedly said: ““You only get this chance once. The whole world is watching. I had to. People don’t know what’s going on here. Now they will.” In sympathy and agreement with this line of thinking I will be donning my sons Batman costume and riding my John Deer RideEm mower around my neighborhood at noon tomorrow. I don’t have any flares but I do have a light saber so watch for that too. America needs me to wake it up. Qrules.
We’ll be by with the video camera…
Swift and punitive action for criminals caught doing crime now.
Flogging for those ripping off others right now.
So many ambulances in our neighborhood lately. This is crazy.
Spencer’s getting married?
Not as soon as he/she had hoped now – but yes. Soon as things calm down…
Give them my best! Maybe he’ll sleep better now.
Ha! Nice people…
Pretty much convinced about one tenth of the country’s population is in need of an immediate psychiatric adjustment.
We know we could use one…
Keep the alerts coming.
I never thought America would come to this. Never.
The public health issues arising out of COVID-19 pandemic are at the forefront, but the sociology experiment underneath is fascinating…