Contrary to our perceived public-facing scowl we’ve been in a pretty good mood lately. The News Thing is humming along. So is the coffee maker. Our lines of communication are open and thrumming. People seem to like us.
Life is good – except for the Alabama Debt Collectors, occasional Mental Midgetry, and General Fumb Duckery we do encounter in the wild from time to time.
To be clear, we’re debt-free – having the benefits of that model drilled into us from an early age. As a result, we’ve learned to consolidate our bills and pay them off quickly. But all those good intentions went out the window recently when we changed phone carriers.
We won’t mention their name, except to say that it starts with a “V,” ends with an “N” and rhymes with Verizon. Customers for years, we noticed their fees nudging upwards like so many things, often with no explanation. Being “Vote With Your Wallet”-types we exercised that prerogative and cut the cord, learning to our dismay that doing so would prove tougher than breaking breaking up with a certain bi-polar, 80’s-era fashion model girlfriend with persistent revenge fantasies.
Cutting out the superfluous back-and-forth corporate muck companies put you through these days we informed them they had severed our ability to pay them online when they (finally) terminated our service and asked that we be issued a final bill so that could send them a check. This, apparently, was difficult for them to do as – suddenly – they could not locate the address they had been sending our bills to for the last 15 years and all our questioning calls were routed (after some persistence) to a Manila call center happy to take a telephonic payment.
This option didn’t exactly fill us with confidence so we pushed for that final bill even as they declared our account in arrears and sicced some Alabama “debt” collectors on us, making themselves known with daily, early-morning robot calls in which our name was curiously omitted from their script while their demand for “immediate” payment was reinforced.
Cutting to that chase you always hear about, a paper bill finally arrived – two months after it was requested – and our check was cut and returned within 48 hours of arrival. It apparently passed muster because it was cashed within 48 hours on the receiving end but, apparently, those Alabama Ridge Runners didn’t get the word ’cause they’re still calling, son.
First World problem, we know, and believe us no one is more aware that we’re not getting shelled on the way to market and that our water spills out when we turn on the tap, but Hell Fire and Tarnation, is this the way we’re doing things now? Pull back hope of any human contact and turn on the computer-generated torment and off-shore billing options? No thanks.
Things are dodgy nationally, people are edgy, but fer gawshsakes it may be time to turn off those true crime podcasts or whatever you’re watching because we’re getting deluged by “body” sightings and “suspicious activity” calls. A lot of these are dialed in by people whizzing by rolls of carpet or an unfortunate deer in their Tahoes and Suburbans and those sightings are somehow manifesting into “I saw a dead body” call.
One such call was tracked to a Monument Boulevard Dollar Tree recently when a man rushed in exclaiming that there was a pretty significant crime scene behind the store. Police were called and, after a careful examination, it was determined that the “pool of blood” the man had reported was the result of a melting strawberry popsicle and not the Dollar Tree Ax Murderer.
Pro Tip? Perhaps look a little more carefully next time, maybe exercise some common sense. Just a thought.
Speaking of common cents – getting less and less common for many, apparently – have any of you noted the trend toward enforced tipping? For those who haven’t encountered this phenomena it usually comes at the end of your dinner out or similar service offering, with your wait staff handing you an electronic tablet with your bill broken down and pre-drawn windows displayed for you to add tips ranging from 10 to 30 percent. For some, this streamlines the payment and tipping process, while others feel “pressured” to add tips they may not feel were justified. Anyone encountering this innovation out in the real world? Thoughts?
And, while we have your attention, if you enjoyed this column and would like to leave a tip for your writer, please choose from the following options:
I’ll give you a tip ………………………….. Race #3 at Plimlico, Horse #6 on Saturday.
Firestone 11R
Pimlico
I enjoy tipping. It’s a win-win situation. I don’t feel pressured. People only do to you what you let them do to you. If you’re not comfortable tipping or tipping a higher percentage, don’t do it. It’s your money. The “enforced tipping” is technology related. They’re doing it because they can. Tipping is optional.
A penny for your thoughts, a shilling for the exiled late-night host retirement fund. Crony capitalism is afoot, and free speech inches closer to the old East German standard. Save South Park. Expose the emperor, even the tiny bits. Ring the Cow Bell! Awaken!
Tripping a lot of not-so-ancient memory markers lately, the sign of a small man weaponizing a government of minions against his enemies and targeting them one by one – with the apparent approval of a vocal minority of supporters. At least we think they’re still a minority, it’s getting so we can’t tell anymore.
“targeting them one by one”
That’s how it goes, apparently.
“Then they came for me
And there was no one left
To speak out for me”
They are haunting memory markers.
Sometimes we regret reading all those history books.
Of all the great American innovations, inventions, and cultural oddities, tipping (in lieu of offering a livable wage) is a truly bad and annoying one.
I, too, left Horizon or whatever it’s called and could not access my final bill. Who does that?
Didn’t mean to get whiny, it was just needlessly bothersome and stupid. And we’ve never done well with either.
Ok, but that’s like Lehman Bros having security walk you from your desk to the door. Don’t they want us as a possible future customer? It’s just bad business practice on their part .
If they wanted us back they had an unusual way of showing it. We’ll never darken their doorstep again.
Verizon is the worst. Terrible customer service.
Question about tipping:
Why does the Tip Percentage increase when menu prices are rising faster than Inflation? Should it not go down? also do you deduct the “Mandates” from the tip?
The tip “suggestions” are sometimes a percentage of the total, including the TAX, and sometimes not. The practice is inconsistent, and it is disingenuous when it includes the tax. It is just one more way to squeeze money from the customer with an obscured charge.
Nickle and dimers. They’re embarrassing. Like a friend of mine who brings her own Crystal Light (tea) to upscale restaurants and boldly announces “I’m cheap.” I don’t understand her mindset. It’s the ambiance and enjoying the company of others. They’re not hurting financially, and I’ve now decided it’s free events (concerts, etc.) or nothing.
Had a girlfriend slash my tires once. Wife much more stable.