Horsies Visit The Roundup – Clear The Joint; High Octane Hookup; And The Rocket’s Red Glare

We have to say, you folks sure know how to celebrate a Fourth of July!

We came up with a short poem to commemorate a visit made to the divey but beloved Roundup Saloon by some local Cayuses at the height of the celebration, two of them making their way inside, sidling up to the bar, and leaving their mark firmly stamped on local legend:

The Swamper looked them over, said ‘at least it’s not Rover, we’ve had a dog in here a time or two, y’know.’

It was Whiskey for the Riders and Beer for the Ponies, a Jolly Good Time had by all,

Until one local steed opted to fulfill a need, spotting a reporter before lifting his tail.

“The Beer was warm and the Fillies all teasers,” he critiqued as suburbanites wailed,

“I’d leave a Yelp review but it’s hard with hooves and, you know, this is just so much easier.”

So there was that. Who say’s we’re not semi-rural?

Along with the equine hijinks there were plenty of dumb human tricks going around this Independence Day, folks succumbing to drink and other stimulants and waking up with hangovers or worse.

There was a case of DUI Bumper Cars in Moraga with two innocent cars needing some body work this morning, one allegedly over-served driver finding herself with a new set of bracelets.

And then there was the local man trying to do the right thing by arranging for transportation home after a day of hard celebration who forgot one very important factor: staying sober enough to remember where you live.

His poor ride-share driver finally gave up and dialed MPD after the patriotic passenger gave some rather confusing directions home before passing out in the back seat, leaving the driver unable to rouse the snoring fare and trying to figure out what to do with him.

We don’t know for sure but it can’t be fun to wake up to the sound of a police person tapping on your window with a flashlight.

And we all know that breaking up can be hard to do but another 24/680 person dialed for help when his soon-to-be-ex-girlfriend showed up at his house – with a can of gasoline.

We couldn’t help thinking of Crazy Christie in “Social Network,” when we got wind of this one, and we don’t think anything was actually set afire, but not all the Fourth of July fireworks popped off in the sky last night. At least she made their Break-Up Day easy to remember.

All in all a Happy and Festive Fourth – with a few aberrations. We’re kind of a nutty country, after all.