On an eventful April 1 we bring you these stories, culled from where they almost actually happened in neighborhoods, back alleyways and parklets across the 24/680.
Crooks Sue For Profits From Surveillance Videos
It appears that filming crews of thieves at work in local stores is more lucrative than first believed, with crooks forming an agents collective to ensure they receive profits from news stations and others airing tape of their work.
“This has gone on long enough,” said Collective Curator Rip U. Hough. “We won’t be denied our rights. Our members work hard to present an entertaining criminal presence onscreen. YOU try cracking a safe with a ski mask on your face.”
Explosion During City Hall Meeting Tied To Gas Leak
First responders reported minor injuries and some cases of hearing loss after a bloviating council member got too close to open flame and caused an explosion that cleared the room as well as the night’s agenda. A janitor, Allidu Isklean Allday, was credited with saving the council member after last night’s explosion.
“He was smoking real good,” Allday told reporters. “Took me a while to put him out.” A gas shield is being considered for future meetings.
First Ever Pot Bakery Closes – Making Too Much Money
A popular marijuana bakery which catered to the area’s pot smokers with chocolate chip cookies, brownies, and bottomless glasses of milk is closing, but not for the reason you might expect. “Business was amazing,” said proprietor Celia Blunt. “The busboys are millionaires. I have a yacht standing by in Berkeley, I’m taking a world cruise.” Blunt seemed unfazed by her businesses’ success, saying: “And we were only open four months.”
Ed: Stay playful out there, O Denizens of the 24/680!